Is 'Never Married' a Clue?

It's been a few weeks since my last post but not much has changed.
The latest is one guy who has lost interest before we've even met -- so it's getting worse.  At least in prior cases, we had a meeting.

My man of the day is someone who started out very promising.  Complimented my smile, replied pretty quickly to a couple of emails, and seemed to want to meet.  Then on an IM chat he got very, um, racy and graphic.  It was kind of appealing but surprising because well, I'm usually in some sort of a committed relationship with someone before we hit that stage.  Then the double entendre emails "It was hard this morning"...then referring to going back to work on a Monday.  That was one of the playful ones.  The rest were pretty graphic.  He claimed it was just who he is and that play is important to him in a relationship.  That's fine with me -- I'm just used to at least having met in person once before going there.

My first clue this wasn't really going anywhere -- I offered to talk on the phone until such time as we could connect in person.  (I was traveling on business quite a bit for a couple of weeks).  His response?  He sent a photo of lady undies saying these are the kind I like.  I played along thinking, keep an open mind, girl, and just go with it. 

It seemed like we'd finally meet in person, but 15 minutes past our appointed time the email comes through, "Stuck in traffic, can't make it really sorrry going home."  Sigh.  Okay no big deal -- it happens.  I replied okay, talk later, thinking he would connect at some point that evening to rebook.  That was Wednesday, this is Saturday.  Nada.  He had time to go online to the dating site though. 

I get it -- he lost interest.  Would it have been so difficult to just say, "Ya know, I don't think we're a match"? especially after all the other breathtakingly frank things he said in email and on one IM chat.  Now, nothing.  Is there a reason he's 'never been married'?
I am still clueless about this whole process.   
Someone enlighten me....please.

Hunting a Hunter

Besides keeping an open heart and open mind, I've been trying to figure out this strange new place I've dropped into -- the territory called online dating. 

I'm trying to operate like a local, not a tourist.  I want to get the lay of the land, not have to keep guessing at a set of rules -- some of which are likely unwritten.  The men seem to know the rules -- but I don't know about the women.  Or maybe it's that each gender has its own set of rules but have not exchanged information.

Perhaps my profile is unclear or unhelpful.  I am honest in my choices of interests, photos, and what's important to me and I don't expect to attract every man -- that would be silly.  I would prefer to not waste anyone's time -- I'm looking for quality not quantity.  But in the few meetings I've had so far, the men seemed to change their minds pretty quickly and not want another meeting.  I accept that but am puzzled.  It's like I'm still looking for the secret password. 

What are these men, these hunters, after?  I am so curious.

I've been on one site for six months.  I noticed that most men who received a request from me to connect don't respond at all.  It's neither a 'yes' nor is it a 'no'.  A few do close or end the connection and I prefer that because at least I know where I stand with them.  It's the ones who don't respond, (even though they are in their account almost daily) that baffle me.  Does it mean they'll get to me when they get to me?  They must have a lot of women in the queue to not respond for a month.  How long should I leave the request for connection before closing it?  I used to wait two weeks, but lately that seems hasty.  What's reasonable? 
I'm open to suggestions.

For the past six months, I've only been on one site -- it does take a lot of time to properly monitor a profile.  But how do I know I'm on the best site for me? 
After a bit of searching, I found 'the five best online dating sites for 2011', which you can link to here:
http://www.consumer-rankings.com/dating/

How many are you familiar with?  I will try at least one of these other sites, in the spirit of research, and report back on my results.

NEW! Weigh in with your opinion about the effectiveness of online dating

This blog is evolving on its own, kind of like writing does.  The writer puts pen (or keystroke) to page, begins writing but quickly can lose control of the direction in which the words travel.

So it goes with this blog.  I realize I need to provide more if I'm offering this in public...more information, more suggestions, more 'best practices' for success at online dating.  Thoughts are shouldering each other out of the way to be expressed. 

One new idea is to poll readers...that would be you.   What is your experience of online dating, either directly or indirectly?  Do you know someone or are you yourself traveling in this foreign country as I refer to it?  Take the poll during July.  I'll publish the results at the end of the month.

Open Heart Open Mind

I'm trying very hard to keep an open mind about meeting men who may not appear at first glance to be my type.  After all, my 16 year relationship (10 years married) was with a man who was not at all my type when we first met -- physically anyway. 

I read the profiles carefully, looking for anything that looks even a bit interesting even if it's not something I know much about.  Wine tasting?  Fun to practice and get better at!  Gardening -- sure, I'll stop and smell the roses.  What could I learn from someone?  I'm curious. 

It's harder to keep an open mind when looking at photos...when there aren't any.  Why do some men post profiles with no photos?  It tells me they have something to hide, or that they can't be bothered, or worse, they aren't comfortable with who they are.  I automatically delete any profile that comes my way if there's no photo.   I don't expect a fantastic looking guy.  I'm not that calibre myself.  I'm usually attracted to a genuine smile, the kind that reaches all the way to your eyes.  That's a great start.  After that, it's the overall look of a man that is worth studying -- does he look happy?  Interested?  Self confident?  Those things all mena more to me than perfect teeth, lots of hair, or a body builder physique. 

I've reached out to men with profiles that look at least pleasant and who appear to have some interests in life.  Even if I'm not sure, I'll take a chance, because who knows where it could lead? 

Next time -- where's that balance between 'chemistry' and taking time to know each other?